Sunday, June 29, 2008

"Bear Season"

I thought about going for a run today ...
It is (unfortunately), bathing suit season :(

Repeat: I thought about going for a run today ...
Until I overheard a man say, "Be careful out there, it's bear season"

Hmmmmmmmmmm ... what?!!?

What is this alleged "bear season" you speak of?

It is not Bear Season!
No, no, no -- not until August!!

I mean, Brian Urlacher & Devin Hester may in fact be off hibernating (and very likely mating with many), but we're still a ways away from the opener.

And then I recalled the street name, and the caution sign at the entrance to the hiking trail, and the black bear sighting on the morning news.

Oh no ...


Toto, I've a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore ;)

It’s Officially Summer!

There is no greater sign of summertime than Co-ed Softball :)

And there is no greater sign (in general) than:

Yep, my first summer softball game was played here in the Evergreen State of Washington!

Drinking Rainier Beer on the bench amongst my fellow Nuts :)

This is not a joke, our work sponsored team is really called:

However, I regret to report that after (miserably) losing a double-header, I find myself exhausted, buzzed, and blogging … Wondering to myself, “Why is it that softball is so directly correlated to my (non-existent) love life?!?!”

I mean, seriously, the parallels are truly uncanny:

When at bat, there’s the inevitable strike out ...
Which makes it virtually impossible to get to first

Yet when I do get lucky to get on base, I find myself stuck on third … Starring hopelessly at home ... Scoreless ;)

When playing the field, I’m put at second base …
Where I watch random men whiz by at high speeds

And let’s be honest, there is just no way around the fact that

Dozens of opportunities to make "the big catch" aaaaand …
I duck

My fellow Nuts yelling, “Get in front of the ball, Stace!”

Or (my personal favorite) “You gotta sacrifice your body!”

Ummmmmm, what?!?!

No thanks, I’ll pass.

Sacrifice my ass!

Where’s the Rainier beer?!?

Someone pleeease pass me another can of that Mountain Magic!

And then, just when I catch my stride, the ump calls it a game.

Ahhhhhh, nuts!

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

On the Road Again ...

My life, as of recent,
is beginning to feel like a bad Willie Nelson song.

I would bet there are ping-pong balls that have bounced around less than I have in the last month or so. Needless to say, both literally and figuratively, things are a little turbulent on my end.

NYC. New Jersey. Long Island.
Chicago. Michigan. Indiana.

Hellooooooooooo, Seattle!
Hellooooooooooo, Pacific Standard Time!
Thanks for having me back :)

Flying West at night is always fun,
it’s like being part of a never-ending sunset!
I prefer to think of it as "sun chasing" ...
seems so much more adventurous than it really is ;)

And although I did not arrive to a Lunar Eclipse this time around,
there is something so magical about the moon here:


Friday, June 20, 2008

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Happy 100th Postday!!

This "Jack of Many, Master of None"

has actually stuck with something!!

And as a result,
today my bloggidy-blog-blog is 100 posts old :)

Hip Hip Hoooooooray!!

But what does one write about on such a momentous occasion?

I thought about this last night
and then immediately shut my computer off.

The thing is, you can't think about these things. They have come. And they always do!

That's what I've loved most about blogging ... it's never forced. Just thoughts out loud. Impulsive. Scheduleless. Spontaneous. Random. Thoughts. And pictures. Gotta love the pictures. All brought about by the things in life that just happen to happen :)

So, I've decided to write this entry about the first thought that came to mind last night when I started over thinking.

First thought: "I am totally still scarred from that damn '100' project in the 1st grade."
Second thought: "I hope that I live to be 100"

So, today I'd like to share the ever-so-scarring story
from Mrs. Kirch's first grade classroom ...

I was all of seven years old.
I wore a lot of hand-me-down clothes.
And I loved anything that was loved by my older siblings.
Whatever Jamie and Stephen said, I did.

So when Mrs. Kirch gave us the homework assignment to bring in "100 of the same thing" -
I immediately turned to the dynamic duo for advice.

At the time,
Stephen was 10, and at the peak of his smart ass phase.
Jamie was 13, and as always, was using my parent's landline.

So when I asked my wiser older brother what he thought I should bring for my "100 project", he replied

And for weeks, I picked my poor little nose.
And then I returned to class, ever-so-proud,
of my bacteria based collection.

And I will NEVER forget that (once) short walk from my designated coat hook, to my designated desk.

Erin Estey had perfectly glued 100 pennies to a poster board.
Juan Romo made a tree house out of 100 twigs.
Jenny Mathison-Moore made a snow man out of 100 cotton balls.
Chris Connell built a replica of the Sears Tower with 100 legos.
Brooke Bicknell baked 100 sugar cookies
(she had a stay home mom)

Lacey Lofton made a mosaic from 100 pieces of colored glass
(she was an only child)

And then there was me ...
With my g*d damn 8.5 x 11 sheet of loose leaf paper,
covered in 100 hand picked boogers.

I wanted to die.
No, I was past death.
At that very moment in life, I would have rather dropped my lunch tray in the cafeteria WITH my pants down.
Yep, it was that bad.

I'll never forget folding that white sheet of paper into a million little pieces and ever-so-meekishly telling Mrs. Kirch that
"I'd forgotten mine at home."
(Note: this was
VERY unlike me. I lived for homework!
I lived for shit like this!

And I was respectful in praising everyone else's projects.
And I ate Brooke Bicknell's (stuupid f*&%king) sugar cookie.
And I complimented Juan Romo's tree house (even though I thought he smelled and that his twig idea was tooootally lame).

(Funny how twenty years later
this still stays with me like it was yesterday)

So, the point of the story is this:
If I were to be given the same assignment from Mrs. Kirch today,
I would bring in my blog :)

I'd bring these 100 posts,
and I would tell Lacey Lofton to shove her stained glass window up her ass!

And I'd tell Erin Estey that she should have just brought in a dollar
and saved herself the glue-job on the 100 pennies.

And then I'd probably drop my tray in the cafeteria
(with my pants down)
just because it's funny!

We all just need to take a little more time to laugh about it :)

So cheers!
Cheers to smart ass big brothers!
Cheers to 100 hand picked boogers!
And cheers to 100 more blog posts

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

I Wish

Although we all wish our best friends will only marry once, I wish mine would get married a million times over (to the same men, of course!) ... These weddings are just SOO g*d damn fun :)

However, this wedding weekend surpassed fun.
This wedding weekend was something entirely different.
A cross between incredibly special and unbelievably perfect.
It was everything you could, would, and should ever wish for your best friend!

Of course there were a few minor mishaps ...
And a few (too many) cocktails ...
But, in 50 years, it will be the Makers Mark and the mischieve that we will forever crack up about, right?!?!

With each wedding, I learn something new ...

Perhaps a tradition: that a bride should always wear something borrowed and something blue.
Perhaps a logistic: like that when they say the church ceremony starts at 3pm, it actually does.
Perhaps an esthetic: like how brides pay good money for the bows wrapped around each chair. Therefore, they are not be untied and placed around your head at the end of the evening ;)

Here is what I learned at Meg & Sam's:

Your best friends will always be beautiful in your eyes. But, this is indisputable by all when they become a bride.
I personally just happen to think that this is even further irrefutable, when the bride rocks a tambourine :)

I've never really thought about it before but, I've come to learn that I absolutely love the Conga Line. Like, really love it! To the point that if you asked me what my perfect day would consist of, I would likely reply that, I do not know yet. But, it would most definitely include an impromtu conga line. Ideally this would happen in a very obscure location, such as the Mini-Mart or possibly on public transportation, but I'll take what I can get ;)

I've learned that the limbo is for the limber
(and therefore I shall not post an image here)

But, on the other hand, kareokee is for all who care to.
I've learned that "Jessie's Girl" is to be sang loudly, proudly, and as often as humanly possible. (Should you be able to somehow score a trumpet while doing so ... all the better!)

I learned that it's maybe not a good idea to ask an unsuspecting man
to be your "Patrick Swayze".
And it's an even worse idea, to take a running start directly at him.
Note: there is nothing "Dirty" about this type of dancing.
Take my word for it,
you will only end up looking like a suicidal star fish!

And lastly, I learned from this wedding in particular,
that true love exists.
And so for my last wish,
I wish that we should all be so lucky to find it :)

Thursday, June 12, 2008

Gooooooood Morning!

Thoughts on Airport Security

I am not a morning person.
Nope, no I am not.

And I am clearly not a terrorist.
Nope, not one of those either.

But when I electively choose the very first flight out in the morning, I cannot blame security for checking me twice.

Not only do I look like a cross between Hermione and Hagrid, but my incredibly fowl mood makes me seem like an enemy of Harry Potter himself.

And so, I understand when the overweight man (with three strands of hair and a strawberry jelly seed stuck between his two front teeth) screams, "BAAAAG CHECK!" upon my arrival through security ...
I would be scared of me too at 5:45am!

What I don't understand is why, when asked to walk through the x-ray machine thingy for an oh-so-necessary second time, that I immediately put my hands up and walk through like a zombie. As if the x-ray machine thingy is going to catch anything different this time when I look like I've just walked off the set of "Thriller".

And then, when the nice security peeps unveil that I am of no threat or danger, we are able to converse like besties ... I am able to say "thank you" (for no apparent reason whatsoever) and they are able to say things like, "Great sweatshirt! Go Bears!"

No ... Do not "Go Bears!" me. Not right now.
Although it may now be confirmed now that I am not a terrorist, I am still not a morning person. So until the sun officially rises, do not "Go Bears!" me with that harsh Brooklyn accent.

And, to the lady sitting next to me, plllleeeeeease stop talking about your cat! No one cares.

But all of this I have brought upon myself ...
Next time, I will remember to fly at night ;)

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Encouraging News ;)

As if the 100 degree weather wasn't bad enough ...

Confession: Every time I read the word "herpes", I can't help but to laugh ... is that entirely awful?!?

Monday, June 9, 2008

Jack of Many ... Master of None

Do you ever feel like you're really good at a lot of things, but not really great at any?

Like, this week I signed up for Karate class (no joke) but I know I'll never be able to kick anyones ass (not even a midget's, let's be honest).
I love Yoga but I can't hold the (f@%king) "fly pose" to save my life.
Spanish came to a screeching halt at the Pluperfect tense.
Guitar crashed (quite literally).
Improv is on hold.
I've yet to ever really finish the Book Club selections before the monthly meetings. (Note to Self: start reading "Snow Flower and the Secret Fan" ASAP!)
Sign Language was a total bust (...I talked the entire time).
Cake decorating class never happened.
All home improvement tasks I've ever started still remain unfinished.
Some days I completely forget to blog.
"Laying out at the beach" is not a legit hobby (same goes for "drinking with friends").
And Trivial Pursuit so kindly reminds me that I know very little about a lot.

So, per usual, I find no rhyme or reason to my sleep procrastinating thoughts. Just fessing up, I guess, to the fact that I am indeed a Jack of Many and a Master of None.

But stay tuned -- I could be a black belt by July ;) Hahahhaha

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Lots a' Matzah!

We really just meant to go get a drink.
"One drink" is what I believe I signed up for.
And so goes the story of my life...

But I am not upset with myself today solely because, without the previously mentioned libations, I do not think we would have stopped into Streit's Matzo Factory on our walk home.

And had we not stopped to watch, learn and tastes how they "maka the matzah", we may never have stopped to think of all the other "fun things" you can do with this unleavened bread ...

Case dismissed ;)