Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Art I would buy, if I had the monies ...


Art I Love Seeing





Confession:


I thought maybe after a good night's sleep I'd be able to find humor in the fact that I locked myself out yesterday. Buuuut,
no such luck :(

So I guess I need to file "losing apartment keys and landlord attempting to charge $100 for help" under the short list of other things I simply don't find funny:
  1. Clowns
  2. Bed bugs
  3. Spider bites
  4. Subway rats
  5. Drunk driving
  6. Losing apartment keys ...
    {insert hot face here}

So. Much. Talent!



Tonight I went to see Gravid Water at the UCB Theatre
with several girlfriends and we laughed so hard it hurt.
There were also times I couldn't even bring myself to laugh
because the actors/improvisors were so
F%@#ING talented
I could hardly wrap my mind around it.

Wherever you are reading this from, I would so HIGHLY
suggest checking out the local comedy scene in your area.
Because the greatest part about funny people
is that they're
EVERYWHERE!
And the greatest part about people in general
is that we all love to laugh ...
So let's go do some more of it :)

Monday, August 30, 2010

Friends with a Benefit


Last night we had a ball at the Town Hall theater listening to
Rachel Maddow & Co. to help raise money for the
American Bird Conservancy, post BP oil spill awfulness :(


Great cause, loads of laughs, and super smart comedians ...
was a perfect way to wrap-up the last Summer weekend!

Friday, August 27, 2010

Happy Friday :)

UCB Sketch: Political Parody


"Thank You Knowtes"

Stacey Hall

INT: Bill & Hillary Clinton's den

Bill & Hillary attempt to relax now that the wedding is over. Hillary is holding a highlighter pen and wearing a sport coat. Bill is wearing a casual t-shirt, jeans and loafers. A stack of 500+ note cards and envelopes are on the desk.

BILL
Hey honey, wanna go the club for lunch?

HILLARY
I can't, I'm proofreading Chelsea's
thank you notes.

BILL
Remember what the counselor told us
about not being "helicopter parents"?
She's married now. I think it's time
to stop hovering.

HILLARY
I'm not hovering, I'm helping. Look
at this one to George W. She wrote,
"Thanks again and best of luck with
your liebrary initiative." SHE PUT
AN E IN LIBRARY! Stanford, Oxford,
Columbia ... for what?

(Bill takes a closer look at the note and smiles proudly)

BILL
Lie-brary. Ha-ha-ha! She's a witty
one that little Chelsea ...

(Hillary glares at Bill, highlights the grammatical "error", and picks up the clipboard that has Chelsea's notes on it.)

HILLARY
Uuugh! I told her to use bullet points
and not roman numerals for the
Mezvinsky list - all I need is for
it to leak that Chelsea's off
numbering Jews ... I'd lose half the
Maryland vote!

(Bill gives her a look to cool her jets)

BILL
Ya know, it doesn't always have to
be November 4th - there's more to
life than shaking hands and kissing
babies, Hillary.

HILLARY
(deep sigh)
If only she'd picked Harvard she could
have swooned with that Marc Zuckerberg ...
the boy is "friends" with the whole world!
One status update from him endorsing me
and I would have
WON the primary.

BILL
I think the Marc she has is perfectly
great, Hillary. I was also thinking,
maybe we could go out and try a new
restaurant tonight, I've been thinking
about Wolfgang Puck's new place that's
opening this evening --

HILLARY
Do you think there will be a sizable
amount of media covering it?

BILL
Well, that I don't know, but paparazzi
aside, I thought it would be nice
for you and I to go together and --

HILLARY
Dating is not in the contract, Bill.

BILL
Then let's write a new contract.
Come on Hillary, we're both politicians,
we know how to break
rules,
get away with it, and then change
the law in our favor.
Whattya say?
Come to dinner with me. Just us.

(The housekeeper enters to refill Hillary's coffee. Hillary immediately sits on Bills lap and starts playing with his hair.)

HILLARY
We're just canoodeling. Don't mind
us, just canoodeling on the couch...

(The housekeeper exits and Hillary goes back to the desk, picks up the clipboard, reviews the list, and gets angry.)

HILLARY (CONT'D)
She didn't write a thank you to Socks!

BILL
Honey, that's because cats can't read
and we put Socks to sleep last year.

HILLARY
Well it would have been a kind gesture.

(Hillary looks up to the clouds)

No one has ever loved me like Socks.

(Bill puts his hand on her shoulder to have an endearing moment.)

BILL
Hillary, honey. You have always had my vote.

HILLARY
Oh, put a cork in it already --

(Housekeeper enters to bring cookies to Bill. Hillary immediately sits on Bills lap and starts playing with his hair.)

HILLARY (CONT'D)
We're just cannoodeling. Don't mind
us, just canoodeling on the chair.
Talking about Al & Tipper...Tragic.

BILL
Yes, just snuggle buggeling together on
the chair. I actually just asked Hillary
to dinner but unfortunately she said --

HILLARY
I said, "Yes!" I unfortunately said
no the first time, with all these
thank you cards to get through, but
spending quality time with my husband
is much more important. We're going
to Wolfgang Puck's new restaurant.
I've been dying to try it. But please,
don't tweet that, we wouldn't want
to draw attention to ourselves...

(Housekeeper leaves the room. Hillary returns to the desk and
picks up the thank you to George W.)

HILLARY (CONT'D)
"Lie-brary."

(She finally picks up that it's actually a sly pun and looks at Bill with a half proud smile)

Our little baby Chelsea ...

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Why this room/life-mate-partnership works


I don'know --
aside from this, this, this , this, this, and this ...

I fear I fall into the "WTF's wrong with the 20-somethings"
problem because I truly think my "platonic-plus-one"
just may be
the funniest human alive!

Case in point. Today.
Cerca 1pm, in route to grabbing a sammy together ...

Location: The new Bun & Co. on Rivington

We approach the eatery only to see the following sign:
Due to Gas issues. We are closed today :(

***

The following convo ensued:

Alyssa: You gotta be shittin' me ;)

Stacey: Ha! You crap me up!

***

Now if we could only get sponsored for rent ...

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

What Is It About 20-Somethings?


Interesting article in the New York Times magazine

Flip flops and a fleece :)



Last night I slept with the windows open for the first time in months and this morning, when the super nice barista at
9th Street Espresso went to make my usual iced coffee,
I changed up the order to switch it to hot ...

Fall is in the air :)

Sunday, August 22, 2010

GREAT food and even better company


This weekend I may have added another inch to my waistline but
since I've officially retired the bathing suit for Summer,
I say
c'est la vie!

Friday night I met a handful of girlfriends at the Frying Pan
for Happy Hour and although there were no Pirates present,
it was the perfect way to unwind from the work week :)
Buzzed and back home by 11pm ... check! ;)

I know I've mentioned Liz's blog about a hundred times - but if you're reading this very sentence and haven't checked out her awesomeness yet, go ahead and give it a go!

Aaaand, I digress ... per usual

Point being, Saturday Liz invited me to have brunch at Maialino, the fan-tastic restaurant where she's currently the Wine Director.

There isn't an item on the
menu that I wouldn't recommend.
1,001% DELICIOUS!

And since Maialino is located in the Gramercy Park Hotel, we
had the privilege to catch a drink on the rooftop afterwards :)
Talk about eye candy ... WO!

Then we treated ourselves to cheap pedi's and when I handed the woman 5 bottles of nail-polish, she smiled along and painted every other toe a different color :)
Teehee!

From there my happy feet and I went to meet Grant, Teresa and the babe-to-be at Co. for pizza ... HO-LY WOW
If my taste buds could talk they wouldn't shut up!

Afterwards we strolled down to the Chelsea Market, picked up a couple ice cream cookie sandwiches from Jacques Torres and solved all the world's problems while walking the High Line.
Not to go all British on ya, but it truly was a lovely evening :)

This morning I went for a run (in my dreams) and met Melissa Hall for brunch at our favorite go-to spot, Life Cafe.

We bopped around for a bit but when the rain came POURING down, I hopped a cab to catch up on some work and snuggled up on the couch to watch Gladiator for the umpteen time. LOVE.

And when it was feeding time again, I called up good ole Frankies
(since I can't cook for shit) to take out a calamari salad
and randomly re-read,
Highly recommend

All in all, it was a wonderful weekend ...
if only I could just find a magic "rewind" button ;)

Hope you have a great Monday!

Friday, August 20, 2010

Happy Friday!


Last night at class the teacher did not ask me if I drank absinthe
and for the very first time, he actually LOL'd during my sketch :)
Woooohooooo!
(insert humongous sigh of relief here)

The assignment was to write a parody based on a well known show.
If you have a minute to spare, thought I'd share my scribbles.

Hope you have a wonderful weekend :)

UCB Sketch: TV Parody



"10 Most Fascinating of 2010"

Stacey Hall

INT: On the set of Sesame Street

Barbara Walters sits with the ten most well know characters of Sesame Street: Big Bird, Oscar, Elmo, Snuffleupagus, Bert & Ernie, Count von Count, Cookie Monster, Grover & Telly Monster. Barbara is in control, her guests are not so much...

BARBARA WALTERS
With Lindsay Lohan behind bars, James Cameron under water, and the President in over his head, I've chosen to honor the cast of Sesame Street as they celebrate their 41st anniversary together this year, here in New York.

Camera pans across the characters. None are paying attention.

BARBARA WALTERS
Thank you all for being here today.

ELMO
Hi Baa-Baa! You look old. Elmo give you hug.

Elmo hugs Barbara. She gives a fake smile when hugging back.

BARBARA WALTERS
It's only fitting that my first question be one that millions around the world have wondered for years. So can you tell me, how DO you get to Sesame Street?

OSCAR THE GROUCH
No

BIG BIRD
Oh, heavens no we cannot say!

ELMO
I could tell you, but then I'd have to HUG you!

COUNT VON COUNT
HA - Ha - HA - Ha - Ha!

SNUFFLEUPAGUS
(He says nothing and stares blankly at the camera. He is wavering back and forth and appears to be half asleep.)

BARBARA WALTERS
What fascinates me most about all of you is not so much your eternal ageless innocence, but more so how you all ended up living on the same exact street. Let's take a look at each, shall we?

Video footage takes over the screen

BARBARA VOICE OVER
Oscar Theodore Grouch grew up in a liberal home in Cambridge, Massachusetts. He joined a children's theater group at age 6 and continued to sing and dance for years until his voice ran dry and the use of his legs became weak. In a fit of rage and rebellion, Oscar moved out of his parents house at the age of 17 and purchased a trash can for 6 cents to take shelter, alone in Manhattan.

Oscar lights a cigarette

OSCAR
People always talkin' trash and laughing at my garbage can like it's a bad thing. Well 40 years later, I just had this piece of shit appraised for $6 million. Who's laughing now?!

COUNT VON COUNT
HA - Ha - Ha - Ha - Ha!
Ooone million dollars...
Twooo million dollars...
Threee million dollars...
HA - Ha - Ha - Ha - Ha!

BARBARA WALTERS
Please Oscar, there is no smoking on the set. But while we're on the topic of narcotics, I must ask the hard question that many parents around the globe have cautioned. Snuffleupaguse, do you suffer from addiction? Possibly to "magic" mushrooms, morphine, or an abundance of ambien?

SNUFFLEUPAGUS
Uhhhh, why did Oscar get one of those video introductions and I did not?

BARBARA WALTERS
Well, to be completely honest "Snuffy", we couldn't find ANY factual background information on you other than your overwhelming weight and that your parents are divorced --

Tears stream down Snuffleupagus's face after she mentions the divorce. He struts off the set trailing puddles of tears.

BIG BIRD
Barbara, you should be ashamed!
Cut to commercial and go comfort him!

Barbara waves down her camera crew to mop up the mess. Video footage takes over the screen.

BARBARA VOICE OVER
Elmondorf Glee grew up in a conservative household in Utah. While others advanced through puberty, "Elmo"'s voice remained at a pitch that left him sounding like the love child of Mickey Mouse and Peter Pan. But it was his ambiguous sexuality that left Elmo ostracized by the other Morman muppets. And where would any homo-suspicious furry friend relocate to find sunnier days? New York City, of course.

BARBARA WALTERS
Thank you being here, Elmo.

ELMO
Thank YOU, Baa-Baa! You get so old. Elmo never get old. Elmo give you BIG hug.

COUNT VON COUNT
HA - Ha - HA - Ha - Ha!

BARBARA WALTERS
Elmo, at such a young age, how is it that you made the journey across the country here to New York?

ELMO
Elmo tickle Baa-Baa!

Elmo reaches in for Barbara and she has none of it.

BARBARA WALTERS
What is wrong with you invalids?!

CAMERA MAN
Move to the next montage. Commercial break in 2 --

BARBARA VOICE OVER
Count von Count, son of a Wall Street tycoon, was born here in --

Cookie Monster bites cord and smiles.
Video feed ends.

CAMERA MAN
Someone get that out of his mouth! Roll the next screen.

BARBARA VOICE OVER
Telly-viv Monsterburg, son of Jewish immigrants who came to America --

Big Bird attempts to perch on camera wire.
Video feed ends.

BARBARA WALTERS
This is ludicrous! You're all acting worse than Tom Cruise on Oprah!

COUNT VON COUNT
HA - Ha - HA - Ha - Ha

CAMERA MAN
We're still live, Barbara! Cut to commercial.

BARBARA WALTERS
When we return, Bert & Ernie will be with us. Stay tuned to find out the real story behind their relationship.

CAMERA MAN
And cut!

Barbara Walters fans herself off with her note cards.

ELMO
Baa-Baa, you look old like a dinosaur! Elmo give you hug.

Barbara socks Elmo and he goes flying across the room.

OSCAR
(smoking)
I knew I liked her.

END SCENE

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Confession:


I really liked Eat Pray Love, but not gonna lie, when she was in Italy my mind completely drifted to all the funny memories from when we studied abroad in Florence in college :)

From there, this scatter brain somehow-
somewhy remembered that I once vowed to make it back to Siena someday to see the Palio in person. I'd completely forgotten about this!

So this morning I got in a major Google-vortex planning my next imaginary trip to Western Europe. All are welcome to join and/or help fund this operation.
Donations appreciated ;)


Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Eat Pray Love


I'm counting down the minutes to go see this tomorrow night!

I'm sure it won't do the book justice, but following Julia Roberts through any journey for 2.5 hours can't be that bad, right?! ;)

I'm sure you'd laugh in my face if I advised you to
take 20 minutes to watch the following video.
But in all serious, when you have the time,
do it!
Elizabeth Gilbert is so unbelievably inspiring and awesome,
you just may end up watching it twice :)

Monday, August 16, 2010

I Heart the Cape!

Best of Cape Cod

A massive thank you to the Silver family and
to the hostess's of a beautiful bridal shower :)

Friday, August 13, 2010

Cape Cod bound!


I've never ever been and
am counting down the seconds to hit the road :)

Our 4 state road trip will take us through:
New York, Connecticut, Rhode Island and Massachusetts
... then across the bridge to the Cape!

The Silver's are so nice to have us all to their home
and if I wasn't eeeeking with excitement before,
I definitely did when belly laughing at this email:

From: Katelyn
Date: Thu, Aug 12, 2010 at 8:15 PM
Subject: This Weekend in Cape Cod

Hi Friends,
I'm soooo excited for this weekend :) If possible, I would love for you guys to bring a few things with you!
  • Pillow
  • Towel
  • Any beer, wine, alcohol you want to drink this weekend
  • Sweatshirt (it’s chilly here at night)
  • Party Hat
  • Vuvuzula
  • Gnomes (if applicable)
  • Ferret(s)
  • Whoopee Cushion
  • Rubber Pants
  • Silly Bands
  • A Boat (with water skis)
  • Your Groove
  • Reusable Toilet Paper
  • Dragon
  • Shoes (ask Rebekah)
  • Over the counter drugs (don’t bring any of the hard stuff – not allowed)
  • A remote control
  • Cowbell
  • Anyone named Phil (specifically for Ab)
  • Last but not least: A Trampoline
Other than the above items, I think we are all good!
Travel safely and love you all. xoxo

Pics to follow for sure!
In the meantime,
HAPPY FRIDAY the 13th
and
HAVE A WONDERFUL WEEKEND :)

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Congratulations, Maggie & Joe!


The new "Aunty Cody" just sent me this wonderful pic
with her beaaatiful new nephew :)

WELCOME TO THE WORLD
Soren Raymond Uselman
Born at 11:09am this morning
9 lbs 1 oz and 20 inches long

Mom, baby, and dad are doing great!

Happiness :)