Sunday, August 31, 2008

Gina & Jeff's Wedding :)

Wedding # 10 of 10

may have been the last

in my 2008 line-up ...

but it was most certainly

not the least!


I must say,

there’s just something incredibly special

about friends from home :)

They come from the same roots.

You share the same background.

These are the people with whom you’ll forever share memories of:

braces, glasses, tapered jeans, stonewashed jeans,

tapered-stonewashed jeans,

talent shows, cafeteria lunches and drivers ed.

You’ve passed about a hundred notes with each one

and signed “have a kick-ass summer” in their yearbooks.

And although they may not really know you now,

they knew you before you ever really knew yourself.

For that alone,

there’s a respect and gratitude
that is owed to this group of individuals.

I just so happen to not have a couple friends still left from home ...
I have a couple dozen friends still left from home :)

And man oh man,
was it truly great to see them all this weekend!

And though much time goes by between our visits,

it never fails to feel like yesterday when I see them again.

And I am so happy for the love that they've found,

and feel so incredibly honored to be able to be a part

of the happiest days of their new lives :)

Gina & Jeff,


What a wonderful wonderful celebration :)

Thank you for including me

and thank you-thank you

for bringing the whole band back together again

so that we could ...

"Shake it like a Polaroid picture"

So that we could

reinstate the nonsensical circle pic


Oh yes,
as well as the Mary Katherine Gallagher moment
(no brainer)

So that we can watch eachothers children grow up :)

drink "a little" bit of the good stuff ...
Until the wee hours of the morning ;)

Remind me never to play "Freebird"
the next time we all reunite ...
Who knew?!?!

Wishing you both nothing but the very very bestest!


"That Guy"

There is one at every wedding ...
You know who he is,
because he's that guy.

this one was rather exceptional ...

And that's all I have to say about that

Friday, August 29, 2008

Home IS Where the Heart Is :)

I can't think of a better way to wrap up the summer,
then by going back home-home,

to good old Canterbury Lane.

As much as I love the city (be it Chicago, NYC or Seattle),
There is something about home.

Something about suburbia
that makes my heart beat a little faster,

and my feet walk a little slower.

It's not just the people that I love,

It's the nostalgia, the lifetime of memories, and the little things.

Little things like sitting on our back porch listening to the secadas.

It's listening to the little boys next door play in their
secret fort,
plotting to throw water balloons at the little girls.

It's memories of my old secret forts,
and countless secrets shared during trampoline slumber parties :)

It's the sight of a sprinkler:

It's the feeling of hot plates from the dishwasher after a great family dinner:

It's the contagious happiness brought out from the mere visual of a tree swing:

It's knowing that Wagner Farm is
and will forever be at the corner:

It's the realization that at the end of the day,
Glenview is just good old Glenview.

It's nothing spectacular or lavish.

But it's home.

It's where my roots are.
And therefore,
it's where my heart is :)

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Happiness is ...

This year's DNC :)!!!

Thoughts on Cliche Sayings

When I went to Portfolio School,

one major cardinal rule was
never to use cliche sayings in your Ads.

I found this to be very difficult :(

Reason being, I love sayings and anecdotes :)

I grew up with these little gems and use them all the time!

My grandma is the QUEEN of cliches ...

"That's for the birds!"
"A penny saved is a penny earned"
"A watchpot never boils"
"Worrying's like a rocking chair. It'll give you something to do but'll get you no where."

And since I'm a total cheeseball, I use lame lines all the time like,

"To each their own."
"Such is life."
"Glass half full."
"It is what it is."

So my friend Jeff posed a great question the other day. He asked:

Why do people use phrases like, "Happy as a clam",
How the hell do we know that clams are happy?!?!

This got me thinking (shocking, I know) and now I am feeling like I owe many animals and inanimate objects my apologies because:

I've never actually had ants in my pants.
Why should they get the blame that I'm a complete and total spaz?!
Sorry Ants.

And now I feel badly that I've ever used the phrase
"I'm poor as dirt."

I mean, who really knows the income level of mud?
And why does soil get to be "rich"?
Seems unfair.
Sorry dirt.

Man, do I feel badly for molasses.
Everyone and their dog is always calling it slow.
How do we know
that molasses doesn't have a fast day here and there?

Sorry molasses.

Kinda like Milli Vanilli,
I hate to admit how often I've simply blamed it on the rain.
Sorry rain.

And why do I "bet the farm" on things?
I don't even have a backyard.
Sorry imaginary farm.

And why I still say immature shit like,
"Don't have a cow" is truly beyond me.
Clearly no one is going to have a cow.
Sorry cow.

(Oh yes, and BTW, the cat's meow is really not that cool)

Uffff! Just to think of the short list of all the things I have judged, belittled and categorized ...

The busy bee's.
The stubborn mule.
The strong ox.
The cool cucumber.
The fat hog.
The free bird.

The greener grass.
The tall tree.
The last straw.
The cup of tea.
The plain water.
The can of worms.

The hot potato.

The dead horse.
The sick dog.

The naked jaybird.
The spring chicken.
The loose goose.

But please note:

As sorry as I am to all the above,
I refuse (repeat: refuse)
to stop saying random shit like,

"Taaa daaaa!"


"Yahooooo, I'm coo coo for Cocoa Puffs!"



Some sayings and phrases are just not be left behind ;)


Monday, August 25, 2008

Thoughts on Hot Water Amnesia


I like to take hot hot hot hot hot hot hot showers.

Like, the kind that makes your face turn Crayola beat-red.

I also like to take super loooooooooooong showers.
Like, the kind that makes your fingers wrinkle.

Problem being, I get so lost in thought,
that I can never remember if I've shampooed or conditioned :(

The process goes something like this:

Wash hair.
Remind self that I have washed hair.
Start to think about the million things on my mind...

- Who's birthday is today?
- Did I send a card?
- Fuuuuuuck! I still haven't sent any of my wedding gifts.
- Double fuck! I still haven't mailed Katie Rakoczy's wedding gift. She's been married for 2 years now! This is bad. This is really bad. Remember to say something to her at Gina's wedding this weekend. Better yet, just remember to bring the gift to Gina's wedding. Problem solved!- God I gotta do that expense report ASAP. Do that tonight.
- How could I forget to pay my credit card bill this month? I never do that. What the f is wrong with me? Arrrrgh .... I hate late fees. Never again!
- Shit, I neeeeeed to return "The Things They Lost in the Fire" to Blockbuster. Do that tonight too.
- I really loved Woody Allen's new movie "Vicky Christina Barcelona" :) Especially the ending. Maybe one of my most favorite endings to a movie ever.
- Penelope Cruise is gorgeous. Thank God for her that she didn't marry Tom Cruise.

- I wonder when my brother will marry Kendra? Man she's such a catch. And an ER Doctor to boot! That story about her patient's broken arm today was CRAZY. I hope they get married on a beach and have a clam bake. I wanna wear a lobster bib :)
- Have I mailed my response cards yet for Bob & Becky's weddings? Do that in the morning.

Have I washed my hair yet?
(Re)Wash hair.

- When's the last time I shaved my legs?
- I'm glad I worked out today. Much needed.
- (Nameless friend) looked way too skinny at the BBQ on Saturday. I hope she's not doing coke.
- Where do you even buy coke in the city? I always picture those deals going down in some dingy dark alley. But I can't quite picture her in that scene.
- How crazy that Mike Comrie is dating Hillary Duff! I saw that pic of them in Us Weekly today and was like, "Holy shit! Go Mike! The last time I saw him was at Rick's in Ann Arbor. Good for him!"
- Crap. Did I drunk dial Braedyn last night? Shit. Remember to check my call log. He's too young for me anyways. No he's not. I'm just making excuses. But seriously, when did I get "old"? Age was never an issue before. I want to be 25 again ...slash forever.
- I wonder how many people will actually come to my birthday party? I hope everyone gets along. Of course they will. That was a dumb thought. Booze will break the barriers.

Have I washed my hair yet?
(Re)(Re)Wash hair.

- I should have bought that green dress today on the sidewalk rack. Damn it!
What was the name of the book again for Book Club this month? Shit. I'm never going to finish it on time. Double damn it! I should bail now and not wait till the last minute. Better yet, I shouldda just bought the book and finished it on time and saved myself this predicament. Ugh.
Did I call Grandma tonight? Oh yes, she was "too busy" to talk. "In the middle of a card game. All the ladies are over for pizza and beer." God I love her!

Ok, enough is enough.
I'm about to faint it's so fuckin hot in here.
Have I used conditioner yet?
No. Hair does not feel silky or smooth.
Use conditioner.

Exit steam room.

End Scene ;)

Friday, August 22, 2008

"Right Justified"

Does anyone ever use
the "right justified" feature?
I mean,
it's kinda like
driving on the
left side
of the road
riding an elevator
ya know?!?

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

An Apology Letter ;)

Dear Leanne & Brian,

Today your photographer sent out his professional photos
and I couldn't have been more excited to review each & every one
to relive the awesomeness of your wedding!

That was about an hour ago.

I now take back my excitement
and would like to replace it with an apology

First and foremost,
you two could not be any cuter if you tried!
I adore you both :)

come to think of it,

I may have been to your wedding once or twice before ...


Holy moly,

did Michael Jackson sell Never-never-land?!?!

Wow, that place was amazing!!

Third of all,
the food was an absolute slice of heaven :)

Note to chef:
My phone number is


Please call anytime

All of this,
and how do I repay you?!?

Oh yes,
obviously by being "that" party guest ...
the one who drinks you dry of Jack Daniels,

and busts out
wildly inappropriate dance moves :(


Is "sorry" even enough?!?

Please note:

When/if/how I ever find something willing to marry me,

you two will have VIP passes to do whatever-the-hell you want!

Welcome home from Greece :)



Tuesday, August 19, 2008


Some Moooooondaaaaaay night
(Fantasy Draft)

Yep, yep, yep ...
Do not be sad that the Summer is ending.
Nope, nope, nope ...
Shed no tears, because Autumn is nearing!!


And it's not (just) because my bday is in September
hint, hint, wink, wink)
it's because the following short list becomes acceptable:

A) Big 10 banter with perfect strangers
ii) Men in spandex pants, running at high speeds
III) Grilling out in parking lots
d) Hooded sweatshirts as a way of life
V) Eating hot dogs and marshmallows for breakfast

But tonight,
tonight was a real first because tonight,

I participated in my very first Fantasy Football draft :)

Here's my line-up and some digital evidence ...

I probably would have a better team
had I focused more on the players than the pizza,
buuuuuut ... such is life ;)

Drew Brees (Saints)
Brett Favre (Jets)

Tight Ends
Antonio Gates (Chargers)
Desmond Clark (Da Bears)

Running Backs
Reggie Bush (Saints)
Chris Brown (Texans)
Andre Hall (Broncos)
Aaron Stacker (Saints)
Kevin Jones (Daa Bears)
Mike Hart (Colts) (GO BLUE, BABY!)

Wide Receivers
Plaxico Burress (Giants)
Roddy White (Falcons)
D.J Hackett (Panthers)
Reggie Brown (Eagles)
Devin Hester (Daaaa Bears)

Robbie Gould (Daaaaaaa Bears Da Bears)

Defense/Special Teams
Seattle Seahawks (In honor of Peanut Labs, hahaha!)

Wish "me" luck ;)

Monday, August 18, 2008

Schwing's First Photo Shoot :)

This was so random,
but such a cool experience!

Thank you
for having us :)

Then: East Village Bath House
Now: Insane photo studio!

Schwing, the model gnome ;)

The Beer-jing Olympics

I attended and participated in
the Beer-jing Olympics on Saturday night :)

My friends, Dustin & Peter, organized this brilliant affair
and I
(shockingly) overindulged in it's awesomeness.

There were no famous athletes nor spectators at this event,
however, after I'd had a few ...
Peter began to look ASTONISHINGLY like Kramer!



Repeat: Peter

Repeat: Kramer

It's even uncanny while sober!

Sunday, August 17, 2008

Thoughts on Ketchup Bottles

Dear Heinz 57,

Can you please get your shit together?!?!

I mean it, really!

There is not an American on this planet,
that hasn't struggled with your thin neck bottle ...
Beating each side silly,
until that artificial awesomeness comes a flowin'

So, you go ahead and invent the wide neck bottle,
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand ...


There HAS to be a happy medium here!

I love squeeze bottles,


How's Teresa doing?!?

I haven't seen or heard from her
since John Kerry got the screw job in the '04 election :(