Thursday, July 31, 2008

Answers to Life's Burning Questions :)

In regards to my last post,
I was thrilled to receive the following email:

According to an old roommate who went to an all male college in the deep south (where not one but two etiquette classes were required for graduation) the answer is as follows:

In the event the door is spinning before a lady is to enter, it is polite to let the woman go first.

In the event the door is stationary, a man should proceed first in order to start the door moving.

Either way you run the risk of an overzealous gent going too fast thereby tripping you in the pie!

Hope this sheds some light on an otherwise tricky etiquette problem : D

And as if that wasn't enough ... check this!!
The Revolving Door Awesomeness

Thanks, Jagady :)

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Thoughts on Chivalry

Since I'm too tired to write tonight,
I thought I'd pose a question
that remains unanswered in my pea sized brain ...

In the case of turn style doors:

Is it chivalrous for a man to offer to go in front (and push)
or to let the lady go first?

My fear is always that the man will offer for me to go first,
and then he'll push too hard and I'll trip
and get stuck in that pie shaped fishbowl.

Note: this has never happened, but I often fear it will!


Shark Week makes me miss Jawz :(

Maybe it's time to get a new fish

(insert deep sigh here)

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

TV Time Out

So much to blog about but ...

So, if I wasn't glued to the Discovery Channel,
I would have already written about:

- Lee & Brian's amazing wedding :)
- How my yoga teacher conned me into buying more useless shit
- Nick Howard @ The Rockwood Music Hall
- The fact that I had a beer last night with the Barbor below
(no joke -- suuuuper nice guy)

Needless to say,
lots of catching up to do tonight.

Stay tuned!

Sunday, July 27, 2008

A New Man In My Life!

We officially met at Leanne's wedding Friday night :)

I've seen him before ...
Many times, actually.

Always thought the robe was rather odd ...
But then, who am I to judge?!

I told myself,
"Maybe he's just religious"

So, definitely
not love at first site.
But, love nonetheless ;)


It's to be an August engagement ;)

Friday, July 25, 2008

"So You Think You Can Dance"

Your elimination last night
should act as a wake-up call for all of America ...

I should have voted :(

You were BY FAR the best dancer in the competition!

All I have to say is,
if McCain wins the next election,
I'm moving to Bora Bora.

Your biggest fan,

Monday, July 21, 2008

Talk About a Case of the Mondays

I will admit that things,
more often than not,
do go my way.

However, today,
today things most definitely
did not!

After taking the sweltering hot subway 56 blocks out of the way
not 5 or 6 blocks, no no no, 56 BLOCKS!)
I then made the following "blunder"

~ Phone rings. It's Alyssa. She's outside our apartment. ~

A: Hey, can I ask a huge favor?
I'm so sorry but I'm running late and forgot my gift for Scotty --

Me: No worries, I'll just throw it down!

A: Ok, but just be careful of the awning so it doesn't get --


Problem: Gift of boxer shorts now stuck on 2nd floor awning :(
Solution: Write note to the tenant in apartment 2A
to ameliorate dilemma :)

8pm roles around and still no reply ...
So, Fatty goes to get herself a burrito and a bottle of wine ...
Only to return home to find the following taped to the door:

Seriously now,
who writes a letter and leaves the wrong
phone number?!?!

Confession: As I am a girl, I immediately thought to myself,
"I hope this Jeff character is a hottie!
Maybe we could like date and have a
Ross & Rachel
style romance!"

Hopes high,
I headed down to knock on 2A only to be greeted by Jeff ...
Jeff, my neighbor,
who looks
absolutely nothing like David Schwimmer,
but who
does have an uncanny resemblance
to Barf
from Spaceballs.

Greeeeeeeeeeeat ;)

AND, to make the situation even more "fun",
2A-Jeff apparently has
gates on his windows
and therefore can be of
no help whatsoever!

Uuggggggggggggh :(

Well anyways,
that was my Monday ...

Tell me, tell me,
how was yours ?!?!?

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Thoughts on the Last 3 Days of My Life

There Truly Are No Words ...

to describe the surreal awesomeness of Hutch & Spy's wedding!

So, while I tap this keg of water in attempts to recover,
here are some of my fav pix from the weekend :)

72 Hours Ago ...

I had never smoked hookah with the founder of my company,
nor had I ever shaken my hips along side a belly dancer ...

Guess now I can check those two off the Bucket List ;)

Thursday, July 10, 2008

The "In Between" Phase

I know I'm no longer in my "touristy" phase,
because I am now capable of bypassing street performers
without stopping to:

A) snap a pic
B) dance along with them
or C) donate a dollar (for unknown reasons).

And I know I've officially graduated from my
"goo-goo gaa-gaa" phase,

because certain things
(like garbage bags on the sidewalks)
are most definitely beginning to bug me.

But I know I've yet to reach the next phase because,
let's be honest,

I still don't know my head from my asshole in this city!

When people stop to ask me for directions,
I immediately whip out my trusty MTA map
(or just take the easy route and google it on my crackberry)

But I did feel kinda "local" yesterday,
when this (suuuuuuper hoity bitch) stopped to ask
"Do you know where Saks 5th Avenue is?"

To which I sarcastically replied,
"Hmmm ...
Can't say I do,

but something tells me it's on 5th Ave

Hahaha :)

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Thoughts on the Chain Lock

I think it kinda irks Alyssa
that I do not ever use the chain thingy when locking us in at night.

Call me crazy but ...

besides the fact that we live on the very top floor)
how does this alleged robber plan to get past dead bolts #1 & 2 ?!!

And call me a cynic but ...

if this aforementioned burgler does get past them,
aren't we pretty much f@%ked then anyways ?!?!?

Sunday, July 6, 2008

Thoughts on Mascots

I celebrated the 4th of July at the Yankees game ...
the Staten Island Yankees game, that is.

Who woulda thunk
I could love minor league baseball so much?!?!

But I'll be honest, I didn't follow the game all that closely ...
because I was pretty much obsessed with following the mascot ;)

I made my friend Melissa take this picture with me -
and like always, she was good sport about my strangeness.

Side Note:
Coincidentally, Melissa's last name is also Hall.
Sometimes we like to tell random people that we're twins -
because there are always the ignorant few who believe us

Anyways, I digress ...

It's not just that I love them,
It's that I (not-so-secretly) want to be one.

Here is some digital evidence of my 15 seconds of fame
as a Chicago Bulls mascot :)

This is not a joke!

Sometimes I think about who I would date
if I were a famous mascot.

And the answer,
hands down
is the Geiko gecko.

There's no competition ...
I love him ;)

On the Topic of Baseball ...

This is my dad in 1972
when he was catching in the minor leagues :)

How cool!


When sober and watching fireworks,
I find it impossible not to shout things like,

However, when intoxicated and watching fireworks,
I find impossible not to shout things like,
As if I am one with the flying colorful explosives ;)

Thursday, July 3, 2008


I enrolled in the Wednesday night Yoga class from 8:30-10pm
for two reasons:

1) Because I can't seem to resist the grilled cheese (with bacon)
at the Corner Bistro
2) Because I read that stretching before bed could potentially help my sleeping issues!

So after class tonight, I was shooting the shit with our instructor
and she suggested that I buy this lame ass CD:

and being the total chump that I am ...
I of course made the purchase.

And now I really can't sleep,
because I'm entirely afraid that this
motion-in-the-ocean soundtrack ...
is going to make me wet the bed!!

Ugh ;)

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

Tonight's Phone Convo with my Grams

Meet Grandma Stella ...
arguably the funniest woman in the world!

She is 9o (repeat: nine - zero) years old!!
Her name means “Star” - which is a title she falls nothing short of.
Stella used to own a tavern on the north side of Chicago
and is entirely baffled that "kids"
now a days tip $1 a drink ...
"You used to get a beer and a shot for 50 cents!"

She has the greatest stories.
She collects quarters.
And she's mastered every card game known to man.
Stella drives a 1990 Toyota Corolla,
and changes the gadget on it’s antenna every month
so she can find her car in big parking lots.
When we hit speed bumps she says hilarious things like,
“Ohh, there go my dentures!”
Stel is a total night owl and tells me daily,
If you’re bored -- it’s your own fault!"

Tonight our phone conversation went as such ...

Me: Hey Grammers, I just wanted to call to wish you a Happy early 4th of July!

Stella: Oh, great. Where are you?

Me: At my apartment in New York.

Stella: Oh, let me write down your address again. I want to mail you a little something. But
don’t go blowin’ it across the bar - a penny saved is a penny earned! You know, the best way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket --

Me: Gram, you don't need to send me any money! I'm fine.
How are you doing?

Stella: Well, I'm breathing and I haven't lost a hand of cards yet this week. So that's good. And the car is running just fine but these gas prices are for the birds!

Me: I know. How are you feeling?

Stella: Good, but I need new knees! I just take it little by little and use my stick*

*She refuses to use the word "cane" ... I freaking love that!

Me: What are you up to for dinner?

Stella: Your sister and I are having supper together. She's at the store now. Are you eating well? Getting enough fiber?
It's good for the digestive you know. Fibers make you go achkie-stropachie*

*Never once in 90 years has the woman just called it "poop" ...
I freaking love that too!

Me: Yep. I'm eating plenty and taking good care. I promise.

Stella: Ok then, I won't keep you. This long distance call has got to be costing you an arm and a leg!*

*She still does not get the whole "free nights and weekends" thing. Never has. Never will.

Me: Alright, love you!

Stella: Love you too. Take care baby. Bye bye now.