Meet Grandma Stella ...
arguably the funniest woman in the world!
She is 9o (repeat: nine - zero) years old!!
Her name means “Star” - which is a title she falls nothing short of.
Stella used to own a tavern on the north side of Chicago
and is entirely baffled that "kids" now a days tip $1 a drink ...
"You used to get a beer and a shot for 50 cents!"
She has the greatest stories.
She collects quarters.
And she's mastered every card game known to man.
Stella drives a 1990 Toyota Corolla,
and changes the gadget on it’s antenna every month
so she can find her car in big parking lots.
When we hit speed bumps she says hilarious things like,
“Ohh, there go my dentures!”
Stel is a total night owl and tells me daily,
"If you’re bored -- it’s your own fault!"
Me: Gram, you don't need to send me any money! I'm fine.
How are you doing?
Stella: Well, I'm breathing and I haven't lost a hand of cards yet this week. So that's good. And the car is running just fine but these gas prices are for the birds!
Me: I know. How are you feeling?
Stella: Good, but I need new knees! I just take it little by little and use my stick*
*She refuses to use the word "cane" ... I freaking love that!
Me: What are you up to for dinner?
Stella: Your sister and I are having supper together. She's at the store now. Are you eating well? Getting enough fiber? It's good for the digestive you know. Fibers make you go achkie-stropachie*
*Never once in 90 years has the woman just called it "poop" ...
I freaking love that too!
Me: Yep. I'm eating plenty and taking good care. I promise.
Stella: Ok then, I won't keep you. This long distance call has got to be costing you an arm and a leg!*
*She still does not get the whole "free nights and weekends" thing. Never has. Never will.
Me: Alright, love you!
Stella: Love you too. Take care baby. Bye bye now.
Her name means “Star” - which is a title she falls nothing short of.
Stella used to own a tavern on the north side of Chicago
and is entirely baffled that "kids" now a days tip $1 a drink ...
"You used to get a beer and a shot for 50 cents!"
She has the greatest stories.
She collects quarters.
And she's mastered every card game known to man.
Stella drives a 1990 Toyota Corolla,
and changes the gadget on it’s antenna every month
so she can find her car in big parking lots.
When we hit speed bumps she says hilarious things like,
“Ohh, there go my dentures!”
Stel is a total night owl and tells me daily,
"If you’re bored -- it’s your own fault!"
Tonight our phone conversation went as such ...
Me: Hey Grammers, I just wanted to call to wish you a Happy early 4th of July!
Stella: Oh, great. Where are you?
Me: At my apartment in New York.
Stella: Oh, let me write down your address again. I want to mail you a little something. But don’t go blowin’ it across the bar - a penny saved is a penny earned! You know, the best way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket --
Stella: Oh, great. Where are you?
Me: At my apartment in New York.
Stella: Oh, let me write down your address again. I want to mail you a little something. But don’t go blowin’ it across the bar - a penny saved is a penny earned! You know, the best way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket --
Me: Gram, you don't need to send me any money! I'm fine.
How are you doing?
Stella: Well, I'm breathing and I haven't lost a hand of cards yet this week. So that's good. And the car is running just fine but these gas prices are for the birds!
Me: I know. How are you feeling?
Stella: Good, but I need new knees! I just take it little by little and use my stick*
*She refuses to use the word "cane" ... I freaking love that!
Me: What are you up to for dinner?
Stella: Your sister and I are having supper together. She's at the store now. Are you eating well? Getting enough fiber? It's good for the digestive you know. Fibers make you go achkie-stropachie*
*Never once in 90 years has the woman just called it "poop" ...
I freaking love that too!
Me: Yep. I'm eating plenty and taking good care. I promise.
Stella: Ok then, I won't keep you. This long distance call has got to be costing you an arm and a leg!*
*She still does not get the whole "free nights and weekends" thing. Never has. Never will.
Me: Alright, love you!
Stella: Love you too. Take care baby. Bye bye now.
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