Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Last year I wrote a book called "Fight the Crazy"
"It's Called a Break-Up 'Cause it's Broken"
and most recently, "I'M FINE! Getting Over Your Ex in 100 Days"
... but I'm really not.
that everything happens for a reason
and I adamantly believe in Karma.
So, I just have to rest assured
that when one door closes another will open.
(And if a door doesn’t open, I’ll just have to crack a window!)
You don’t hear many people saying…
And then there’s "destiny",
Monday, April 28, 2008
Get this, they started a company called "Party Cruisers, Ect." and they charter THEME-PARTY cruises ... ahhhhhhhhhhh :)
Better yet, my new besties actually know someone that charters Pirate Ships! (I'm trying to contain my excitement so not to sprinkle-a-tinkle ... but OMFG ... they really know someone with a pirate ship ... ahhhhhhhhhh :)
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Monday, April 21, 2008
Sunday, April 20, 2008
As I opened the package, nostalgic thoughts of Mad Libs, stickers, blow-pops, and air-head taffy filled my mind ... so, you can imagine the look on my face when I pulled out:
with the following page dogeared:
And the note: "Maybe this is what scares them all away? hahaha"
So I'd like to take a moment to thank you, Cody ... for this little "vote of confidence" ;)
Thank you for providing me with 200+ pages of verbiage solidifying that I just may be the worst behaved female on the planet!! ;)
Please do not send anymore of these "care" packages (... unless there is a mail-order-man inside).
Thursday, April 17, 2008
Have you ever thought about how many cereal box mascots have seen you in the morning in your sceebies? Eeeek!
I can list a dozen of these “Peeping-Toms” off the top of my head:
- BuzzBee (Cheerios)
- Tony the Tiger (Frosted Flakes)
- Snap, Crackle & Pop (The Rice Krispie Elves)
- Toucan Sam (Fruit Loops)
- That Leprechaun (Lucky Charms)
- Jack Rabbit (Trix)
- Michael Jordan, Larry Bird, Lance Armstrong (Wheaties)
- Both Fred Flinstone & Barney Rubble (Fruity Pebbles)
- And even the Captain himself (Cap’n Crunch)
... What a bunch a pervs ;) Ha! Kidding (kinda)
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
"Do you think Nemo will have a gimp fin forever?"
"Are crabs nice? They get such a bad rap 'round here!"
"Do mer-men exist? Better yet, how can I get a hold of one?!?"
"Do fish flakes really fill you up?"
"If you could hang out with a blowfish or a beluga, which would you choose? I think I'd go blowfish on that one."
"Can you swim backwards?"
"Do you ever get seasick? I do!"
"What's your take on sushi?"
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
But, it's because of masterpieces like this that I am well-versed in imperative knowledge such as:
- How to make sour kraut
- How to sniggle for eels
- How to ride a high wheeler
- How to lose at checkers
- How to be a guest in an English country home
- How to properly use chop sticks
- What to do if attacked by a bull
- And, of course, how to buy an elephant!
College seems like such a waste after reading a classic like this ;)
Monday, April 14, 2008
Sunday, April 13, 2008
Thursday, April 10, 2008
I'm craving salt like a seahorse!
Is it normal to want a snack between breakfast and lunch?!?!
Why am I craving a peanut butter sandwich like it's my job?!?
Where does the word "snack" even come from?!?
Since I also seem to suffer from undiagnosed A.D.D., I decided to defer to my friend, Ask.com
Turns out, the word "snack" comes from the Middle English term "snak" (a variant of "snacche") which means "to bite" or "to trap" ... ha!
Me likey this word "snack" (...especially in the form of extra crunchy peanut butter on toast) tee hee :)
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
As this is Zoo York, I wondered if the circus happened to be out front ... or maybe just a runaway monkey with a jack-in-the-box! But then, like the days of old ... I remembered that this (rather annoying melody) is also the sound of the one and only ... ice cream truck!
Could it be?!?!
Has my third wish come true?!?!
I immediately grabbed my wallet, keys, and camera ... bolted down 5 flights of stairs, followed the sound until it got louder and louder and louder and then ...
There it was!
The ice cream truck!!
Right here on Clinton Street!!!
Hip, hip, hooooooray!!
Oh my God ... what to order?
But I haven't even eaten dinner!
Oh my God ... who cares?!
The ice cream truck is here!
On my street!
Holy shit! They've come out with a Sponge Bob Square Pants Popsicle!
As fate should have it, I thankfully had enough singles in my wallet to show-up a stripper -- Sooo ...
I bought 'em all :)
I'm a grown-up now!
I can do things like buy three ice creams before dinner (... apparently there's one perk to getting old!)
I paid the nice ice cream man ... (reassured him that I do not take my clothes off for a living) ... and watched as that little slice of gas-guzzling heaven drove away ... the sound getting quieter and quieter and quieter :(
And I thought Peeps caused a bad belly ache ... Not so much!
But, let me tell ya, this chocotaco-bubbleplay-squarepants party going on in my tummy-tum-tum is worth every second :)
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
So, tonight I decided to peruse the Pets section of the Lower East Side ... why not, right?
To be entirely honest, I had no clue what I was after ... but never in my wildest dreams would I have thought I'd find this:
Dude, I've only ever seen these on Animal Planet!!
And now I can't sleep because I find myself reading up on this entirely peculiar little marsupial :)
And I'm totally perplexed ... why is this Sugar Glider spayed?!?
I mean, are there many other Sugar Gliders boppin' around the Lower East Side to mate with?
Are even the Sugar Gliders of Manhattan pulling more tail than me?!? (Not that that would be saying much)
So, although I've seriously contemplated adopting this furry friend ... I think I'm gonna stick with a good old goldfish as planned :)
Sunday, April 6, 2008
When living in a borough with eight million other people, how is it humanly possible that (without fail) every Sunday night I feel lonely?!
The majority of my Sun-day is (admittedly) spent re-hydrating ... and pondering why the hell I continue to drunk-dial the sober & innocent (considering that my phone, like all others, does have an "off" button ... I just apparently feel the need to ignore this invention).
Then there are the 11 minutes spent hypothesizing how the infamous bruise on my left hip is mysteriously present (yet again).
The 17 minutes spent googling Pirate Ships (and how much it would cost to charter one on my own).
Then roughly 45 seconds pondering the current whereabouts of secret agent MacGyver ... more specifically, 45 seconds spent wondering how he would solve for this massive hangover (likely using just a paperclip and a piece of chewing gum).
... 9 seconds vowing "I will never drink again" and approximately 22 minutes spent uploading stimulating digital evidence of the weekend ... questioning why I continue to find it funny to create and capture "Kodak Moments" such as this:
Mature, Stace .... veeeery mature!
So, without fail, every Sunday night I find myself homesick :(
I attempt to remedy this with sushi take-out, my favorite pair of pajama pants, and several phone calls to my family. After which, I then have a "self sit down", where I repeatedly remind my inner-spaz, that "one of these days we have to grow up."
In turn, it is during this "self-reflecting session" where I (unfortunately) come to realize that maybe (just maybe) there is a direct correlation between my "social behavior" and the fact that I'm 26.7 years old ... and still sleeping on an air-mattress.
So, tomorrow I will be making the journey to Sleepy's, to buy my "big girl bed" ... and then to the pet shop to invest in a goldfish :) I fear the time has come to take a couple steps in "the right" direction ...
And although, from an outside perspective, these may be viewed as baby steps ... they are steps nonetheless ;) Bare with me!
Thursday, April 3, 2008
did I miss the memo on the new 5 dollar bill?
Of all times, why now?
Like we don't have enough f*%cked-up shit going on in our country at the moment!
And why purple?!?
I mean, I understand that the 5 is bigger in order to help those with visual impairments ... but whatever! Haven't you people ever heard of LASIK?!? ;)
Did anyone even ask, Abe?
I mean, seriously!
How ruuuuuude ;)