Wanna Food Orgasm?

Then try Supper :)

Holy wow -- I think they may put crack cocaine in their Hazelnut Pannacatta! (not that I've ever tried crack cocaine, but if I had, I think it would be like this dessert ;)

I know the Street is in SoHo ...

... But I can't seem to find the Season :(

Dear Spring,
WHERE ARE YOU?!!?!
Can you come to stay in NYC ASAP?
Pleeeeeeeeeaaaase :)
This cold rain and cloudy weather is a bunch a' bunk!

Thoughts on Fate & Destiny

Last year I wrote a book called "Fight the Crazy"

and this year I sent it to a handful of publishers.
 

I've always known it would be a long-shot ...bookshelves all over the world are flooded with this genre:

"He's Just Not That into You"
"It's Called a Break-Up 'Cause it's Broken"
and most recently, "I'M FINE! Getting Over Your Ex in 100 Days"
 

I know I should be bummed about my first rejection letter
... but I'm really not.
  

I guess it's because I genuinely do believe
that everything happens for a reason
and I adamantly believe in Karma.
So, I just have to rest assured
that when one door closes another will open.
(And if a door doesn’t open, I’ll just have to crack a window!)
  

So it’s not rejection that is keeping me up tonight...

Tonight I lay awake debating my personal opinions of

fate and destiny

and the whole idea of “everything happening for a reason”.
  

See, "fate" is funny to me because people

only seem to believe in it when something goes their way….

  

“We met in line at the dry cleaners…it was fate!”

“He accidentally grabbed my Sugar Free Peppermint Spice Latte instead of his Venti Americano…I’m certain it was fate!”

“It was the last wedding dress on the rack

and was a perfect fit … fate!”

You don’t hear many people saying…

“We had crazy wild sex and he never called again …

Give it up for fate!”

“He never truly loved me the way I loved him …

Hal-le-lu-jah … fate!”

“Turns out he was a lying sack of shit …

Can I get a “fuck yeah!” for fate?!?”

And then there’s "destiny",

the higher power that we seem to have a say in...

Although the words are used interchangeably,

I believe they differ in that:

we control our own destiny

yet fate is something that happens to us.

Driving our destiny is what we women do best...

Take the Magic 8 ball for example:

I’ve yet to see a girl ask the 8 ball a question

and not shake the damn thing silly until she gets,

And then afterwards, happily shouting to her friends,

“See - it’s fate!”

(Clearly)

But I do believe that everything happens for a reason

and I adamantly believe in Karma.

I don’t believe in (or even like) silo’s

but I do believe that life is “to each their own.”

I’m just still on the fence with my firm beliefs in

my two friends, fate & destiny.

So goes another night in which I’ve reached no resolutions

nor conclusions to my sleep-procrastinating questions...

Like all aspects of my life, I’m still just trying to figure it out!

And so for now, that answer will simply have to do :)  
   

Fate ;)

I'm currently sitting on the plane next to the greatest couple ever!

Get this, they started a company called "Party Cruisers, Ect." and they charter THEME-PARTY cruises ... ahhhhhhhhhhh :)

Better yet, my new besties actually know someone that charters Pirate Ships! (I'm trying to contain my excitement so not to sprinkle-a-tinkle ... but OMFG ... they really know someone with a pirate ship ... ahhhhhhhhhh :)

http://www.partycruisersetc.com

Listography: Your Life in Lists

I recently bought this "journal" and would highly recommend it ... filling it out has been an absolute crack up!
It's not exactly along-the-lines of a good Mother's Day gift, but most definitely a good idea to share with a great friend :)

Yessssssssssssss :)

It's only taken me three months,
but this morning, on my way to buy a sassy red velvet cupcake
from Sugar Sweet Sunshine,
I finally spotted a 3rd piece of this sidewalk "art" ...
and since I like everything in three's,
I can now share this bit of fun :)

Enjoy!

HAPPY EARTH DAY!

"Door"a the Explorer ;)

It's the little things that do it for me ...

(that's definitely not what she said)

But, when I bought a Latte this morning from 9th Street Espresso,
I thought this was pretty awesome :)

"Care" Packages

There's nothing like opening the mailbox and seeing a giant envelope from your bestie ... snail mail is the absolute GREATEST!

As I opened the package, nostalgic thoughts of Mad Libs, stickers, blow-pops, and air-head taffy filled my mind ... so, you can imagine the look on my face when I pulled out:

with the following page dogeared:

And the note: "Maybe this is what scares them all away? hahaha"

So I'd like to take a moment to thank you, Cody ... for this little "vote of confidence" ;)

Thank you for providing me with 200+ pages of verbiage solidifying that I just may be the worst behaved female on the planet!! ;)

Please do not send anymore of these "care" packages (... unless there is a mail-order-man inside).

Xoxox,

Thoughts on Breakfast Cereal

Have you ever thought about how many cereal box mascots have seen you in the morning in your sceebies? Eeeek!

I can list a dozen of these “Peeping-Toms” off the top of my head:

- BuzzBee (Cheerios)

- Tony the Tiger (Frosted Flakes)

- Snap, Crackle & Pop (The Rice Krispie Elves)

- Toucan Sam (Fruit Loops)

- That Leprechaun (Lucky Charms)

- Jack Rabbit (Trix)

- Michael Jordan, Larry Bird, Lance Armstrong (Wheaties)

- Both Fred Flinstone & Barney Rubble (Fruity Pebbles)

- And even the Captain himself (Cap’n Crunch)

... What a bunch a pervs ;) Ha! Kidding (kinda)

"Conversations" with a Goldfish

I'm fully aware that Jawz can't talk, but that doesn't stop me from asking him questions like:

"Do you think Nemo will have a gimp fin forever?"

"Are crabs nice? They get such a bad rap 'round here!"

"Do mer-men exist? Better yet, how can I get a hold of one?!?"

"Do fish flakes really fill you up?"

"If you could hang out with a blowfish or a beluga, which would you choose? I think I'd go blowfish on that one."

"Can you swim backwards?"

"Do you ever get seasick? I do!"

"What's your take on sushi?"

Oprah's (Non) Book Club

There's a great used book shop in the East Village that I stumble into more than my bank account would like me to ... Admittedly, I spend a rather superfluous amount of my income on "must haves" like:

But, it's because of masterpieces like this that I am well-versed in imperative knowledge such as:
- How to make sour kraut
- How to sniggle for eels
- How to ride a high wheeler
- How to lose at checkers
- How to be a guest in an English country home
- How to properly use chop sticks
- What to do if attacked by a bull
- And, of course, how to buy an elephant!

College seems like such a waste after reading a classic like this ;)

Confession:

Every time I go to feed Jawz, I find it virtually impossible not to sing the infamous movie theme music, "duuuuuuuh duh ... duuuuuuuh duh ... duuh duh, duh-duh, duh-duh, DUH, DUH!"

And then he eats his fish flakes and I crack up :)

Taxes...

SUCK!!!!

And that's all I have to say about that.

My New Golden Boy :)

Meet Jawz ... Schwing's brotha from anotha motha

The New Scope ;)

How the hell do these things work?!?!

Seriously!

Fun Fact of the Day :)

Considering I pretty much induced myself into a food coma last night ... this morning my sugar levels are all outta wack :(

I'm craving salt like a seahorse!

Is it normal to want a snack between breakfast and lunch?!?!

Why am I craving a peanut butter sandwich like it's my job?!?

Where does the word "snack" even come from?!?

Since I also seem to suffer from undiagnosed A.D.D., I decided to defer to my friend, Ask.com

Turns out, the word "snack" comes from the Middle English term "snak" (a variant of "snacche") which means "to bite" or "to trap" ... ha!

Me likey this word "snack" (...especially in the form of extra crunchy peanut butter on toast) tee hee :)

Good Humor :)

Tonight, I was contemplating where to go for dinner (God forbid I cook) ... and then, ever so oddly, the ever so familiar tune of "Pop Goes the Weasel" could be heard for miles out my apartment window!

As this is Zoo York, I wondered if the circus happened to be out front ... or maybe just a runaway monkey with a jack-in-the-box! But then, like the days of old ... I remembered that this (rather annoying melody) is also the sound of the one and only ... ice cream truck!

Perhaps?!?!
Could it be?!?!
Has my third wish come true?!?!

I immediately grabbed my wallet, keys, and camera ... bolted down 5 flights of stairs, followed the sound until it got louder and louder and louder and then ...

There it was!
The ice cream truck!!
Right here on Clinton Street!!!

Hip, hip, hooooooray!!

Oh my God ... what to order?
But I haven't even eaten dinner!
Oh my God ... who cares?!
The ice cream truck is here!
In Manhattan!
On my street!

Choco taco?
Bubble Play?
Holy shit! They've come out with a Sponge Bob Square Pants Popsicle!

As fate should have it, I thankfully had enough singles in my wallet to show-up a stripper -- Sooo ...

I bought 'em all :)
I'm a grown-up now!
I can do things like buy three ice creams before dinner (... apparently there's one perk to getting old!)

I paid the nice ice cream man ... (reassured him that I do not take my clothes off for a living) ... and watched as that little slice of gas-guzzling heaven drove away ... the sound getting quieter and quieter and quieter :(

And I thought Peeps caused a bad belly ache ... Not so much!

But, let me tell ya, this chocotaco-bubbleplay-squarepants party going on in my tummy-tum-tum is worth every second :)

A Real First ...

Confession: I am slightly addicted to Craigslist ... I just love it!

So, tonight I decided to peruse the Pets section of the Lower East Side ... why not, right?

To be entirely honest, I had no clue what I was after ... but never in my wildest dreams would I have thought I'd find this:

Dude, I've only ever seen these on Animal Planet!!

And now I can't sleep because I find myself reading up on this entirely peculiar little marsupial :)

And I'm totally perplexed ... why is this Sugar Glider spayed?!?

I mean, are there many other Sugar Gliders boppin' around the Lower East Side to mate with?

Are even the Sugar Gliders of Manhattan pulling more tail than me?!? (Not that that would be saying much)

So, although I've seriously contemplated adopting this furry friend ... I think I'm gonna stick with a good old goldfish as planned :)

http://www.sugarglider.com/gliderpedia/index.asp?SugarGlider

Thoughts on Sundays

Riddle me this ...

When living in a borough with eight million other people, how is it humanly possible that (without fail) every Sunday night I feel lonely?!

The majority of my Sun-day is (admittedly) spent re-hydrating ... and pondering why the hell I continue to drunk-dial the sober & innocent (considering that my phone, like all others, does have an "off" button ... I just apparently feel the need to ignore this invention).

Then there are the 11 minutes spent hypothesizing how the infamous bruise on my left hip is mysteriously present (yet again).

The 17 minutes spent googling Pirate Ships (and how much it would cost to charter one on my own).

Then roughly 45 seconds pondering the current whereabouts of secret agent MacGyver ... more specifically, 45 seconds spent wondering how he would solve for this massive hangover (likely using just a paperclip and a piece of chewing gum).

... 9 seconds vowing "I will never drink again" and approximately 22 minutes spent uploading stimulating digital evidence of the weekend ... questioning why I continue to find it funny to create and capture "Kodak Moments" such as this:

Mature, Stace .... veeeery mature!

So, without fail, every Sunday night I find myself homesick :(

I attempt to remedy this with sushi take-out, my favorite pair of pajama pants, and several phone calls to my family. After which, I then have a "self sit down", where I repeatedly remind my inner-spaz, that "one of these days we have to grow up."

In turn, it is during this "self-reflecting session" where I (unfortunately) come to realize that maybe (just maybe) there is a direct correlation between my "social behavior" and the fact that I'm 26.7 years old ... and still sleeping on an air-mattress.

So, tomorrow I will be making the journey to Sleepy's, to buy my "big girl bed" ... and then to the pet shop to invest in a goldfish :) I fear the time has come to take a couple steps in "the right" direction ...

And although, from an outside perspective, these may be viewed as baby steps ... they are steps nonetheless ;) Bare with me!

WHAT?!?!

Really, I am all FOR change, but seriously ...
did I miss the memo on the new 5 dollar bill?

Ummmm .... WHAT?!?!?

Of all times, why now?

Like we don't have enough f*%cked-up shit going on in our country at the moment!

And why purple?!?

I mean, I understand that the 5 is bigger in order to help those with visual impairments ... but whatever! Haven't you people ever heard of LASIK?!? ;)

Did anyone even ask, Abe?

I mean, seriously!

How ruuuuuude ;)

Check out Ann :)

(...Arbor is not quite as photogenic ;)

February

March

April

Taa - daaa!!!!

Home Improvement

Today a box ... tomorrow a bar :)

Stay tuned!

Dear Times Square,

It wasn't until yesterday when we were bonding that I learned that
you are really called "Times Square" and not "Time Square" ....



And I soo feel badly now ... because this means that I've been calling you by the wrong name my whole entire life! Ugh

Please forgive me,

April Showers Bring May Flowers ...

... and Grilled Cheese and Tomato Soup :)

Come May, I will not miss the rain ... nope, no I will not.

But there is honestly nothing better than
grilled cheese and tomato soup on a gross and dreary day.

Come May, this I will miss ... yep, yes I will.