My First Encounter With the NYPD ...

No,
I was not arrested!

Get this

I come home from Chicago.
Drop off my exorbitant rent installment.
Come back to my overpriced apartment,
Only to find ...

Our patio furniture has been stolen :(

Repeat:
Our patio furniture has been stolen.

Question:
Who the hell steals f*%king patio furniture?!?!

Better yet,
Are you Spiderman?!?!

How the hell did you get onto my 6th floor patio?!?

Again,
understand my astonishment ...

This alleged Spiderman style robber climbs over our terrace wall
only to steal a handful of chairs
and then leaves the Margarator?!?!

Don't get me wrong,
I am THRILLED
that this jack-f@#k-a$&hole
did not steal my baby.

But I'm totally baffled.

Once more I will ask,
Who the hell steals f*%king patio furniture?!?!

So the NYPD comes over,
because of course
I decided to make a mountain of this molehill,
and even they were baffled by the crime!

But,
no joke,
the one officer with a sense of humor
let me try on his big shiny badge,
and that pretty much made my month :)

But,
not gonna lie,
I have a big shiny (plastic) police officer badge of my own
so I'd rather just have my stupid f*&cking patio furniture back!!

Argh :(