Thoughts on Riding the Subway

It is a fact that when riding the subway,
the train slightly jerks upon departure from each given station.

I know this fact from experience.
We all do.

So why is it then,
that I do not grab the handle when the doors close?!?

Because if I would just grab that g*d damn handle thingy,
it would save me from losing my balance
and shouting something lame like,
"Whoooooooooooa!"
after which I bust out into hysterical laughter
as I then fall onto the lap of an unsuspecting stranger.

And why is it then,
that after I compose myself
(and realize that I've forgotten my newspaper),
that I find it ok to read over the shoulder
of the innocent man sitting next to me?

And while he mentally plots his scheme
to beat me with chop sticks,
I then proceed to sneeze my morning sneezes --
causing all fellow freaks,
to look at me like Anthrax :(

As if it isn't enough that I am visibly
the only white person on the train,
I proceed to also make my whiteness audibly present,
as Billy Idol's "Dancin with Myself" comes blaring through my iPod.

Greeeeeeeeeeat

But then GET THIS ....

On the ride home I experience the exact opposite awfulness.

Because on the way home,
I find that I am not just the only white person on the train,
but that I am the only person on the train!!

What?!?!?

WTF?!?!
Where are all the freaks?
Better yet, why do I miss all the freaks?!?!
The subway's just not the same without my fellow freaky-freaks!!

But, I'm not gonna lie ...
I didn't miss 'em all that much

Because sans freakazoids,
I was able to take this ever-so-rare opportunity,
to practice my "subway surfing" :)

Ya know,
subway surfing ...
when you ride the train while standing the whole time,
never once grabbing the handle thingy!

All I have to say is,
come tomorrow (and all days thereafter),
I feel entirely confident
that I do not need that little metal bar any longer.
No more public-transit-training-wheels for me ...
No sir-ry!

Tomorrow,
when the doors close and the train jerks,
there will be no lame "Whoooooooooooa!" sounds nor falls for me.
I'm gonna remember my newspaper and hold in those sneezes.
And I'm gonna silence my iPod and stand straight like a champ!

Yep, that will be me ...

The Subway Surfer :)

Look Out!

Hahahaha ;)