Zippidy Do Da!

Big big weekend ...

Sunday, February 1st is not just the Super Bowl,
it's also the Golden Bday of my bloggidy-blozzoggle :)

Who can believe it's been a year???
Yowzers

This is how I feel about that ;)

More to come on Sund ...
until then,
HAPPY FRIDAY :)

I shouldn't find this funny ... but I just do!

Melissa Hall (no, we're not related) sent me an email yesterday and I couldn't help but to laugh ... She wrote:

Cuz, I'm getting caught up on your blog and saw your fire hydrant post. Seems like things in your hood get taken a lot! Yesterday on the news I heard that two men were caught on video stealing an ATM on Clinton Street...not just the money in the ATM, but the whole ATM...God knows what they'll do with a hydrant!

I normally don't find theft and vandalism funny, but this made me crack up because I immediately thought of that part in Zoolander ... You know, "The files are in the computer!?" part ...

Gets me every time ;)

"Still Surreal"

With one year in Manhattan under my belt now,
if I had to describe this city in two words,
they would simply be:
Still surreal!

St. Marks Street @ Midnight
East Village

HAPPY BDAY MAGGIE!!

Since you can't be home in Cali today,
just thought I'd try to bring the beach to you :)

Confession:

I am addicted to reading Post Secret

Is it twisted that I love reading other people's anonymous confessions?!

Never mind, don't answer that ;)

Words I Love

• Snuggle
• Shag
• Onomatopoeia
• Oxymoron
• Giggle :)
  

Words I Don't Love

• Moist (siiiiiiiiiiiiick!)
  
• Sweat (because it should be spelled "swet")
  
• Cunt (sooooo trashy)
  
• Panties (please just say "unders")
  
• Hate (so strong, only causes regrets)
  

Could Just Be Me ...

But seriously I mean,
are these pipe things really such a hot-commodity?

Looks more like a Chinese torture device!

Foot In Mouth ...

Over the weekend I was having a conversation with a couple of my closest girlfriends, one of which is gay. The topic was relationships (when is it not???) so we were bullshitting about the differences between heterosexual and homosexual couples.

As I have no filter,
my crass mouth blurted the following:

****

She was joking around and goes,
"Well you know, we lesbos just love that L word"

To which I replied,
"What? Labia?"

****

Ummmmm ....
inappropriate much?!?!?!?

Seriously,
someone please buy me a muzzle!

Mark Twain Once Said,

"Everything in moderation, including moderation"

This quote makes me feel a little better about the fact that I had to call Donnybrook tonight, to see if I left my slippers there ...

Hmmmmmmm

Maybe next Saturday I will refrain from encouraging my friends to have "one last drink" (and a late night dance party) at the cornerbar.

"Maybe" being the keyword in that sentence ... doubtful ;)

HAPPY FRIDAY FRIENDS :)

Thoughts on Organized Chaos

In addition to being a pack-rat,
I'm admittedly also a "pile-er"

Lots of little piles make me feel like there's a sense of order,
even though it may appear the opposite

This is how I live ...
in the great land I call
"Organized Chaos"

Exhibit Address Book :)


Exhibit Accessories:

Although it may look
like Claire's Boutique vomited all over my dresser,
that is not the case!
This little eye sore makes perfect sense to me :)

Exhibit Belts:


Exhibit IIII:
Bags & Scarves


Exhibit 5:
Hats & Gloves


Exhibit Six:
Shoooooooeeeeeessss :)


Exhibit G:
Ok, may be my electronics drawer
could use a little extra lovin' ;)


(PS: have no fear, the Christmas card door remains in tact!)

Point of Post ...

As it's January,
we are inundated with ads, articles and reminders that
"it's time to get organized!"

So cheers to you
Container Store!

And you too
Bed, Bath & Beyond!

But this little "pile-er"
just isn't ready to fully subscribe to that lifestyle ...

So I say cheers
to the land of Organized Chaos!

:)

Dear Bikram Yoga .... What.The.Shit?!?!

Why ya gotta kick my ass like that?!?!

<<<<<<<

Let's rewind,
shall we?

While I was still all doped up on hope-ium after Barack's speech,
I came across this overtly inspiring card
at my most fav nick-nack shop :)


Of course the little hussy on the cover
just had to be doing yoga ...

Repeat: Yoga!

(Insert anxiety here)

Yep,
the one activity I've been avoiding like the treadmill
since I was sent back down to the minors :(

>>>>>>

Facing fear straight in the eye,
I entered my new yoga studio tonight
for the 9pm (90 minute ... eeeeek!)
Bikram (suicide) session

HOT DAMN!
HO.LY. WOW!

I've never been so sober in my entire life!!

Of the 453 ounces of swet that seeped out of my pours
(this is a rough guesstimate, but I fear it's on par)
I think my skin literally ooozed out every single (terrific) toxin
that has encountered my bod since New Years Eve ...

And although I'm not a betting gal,
I would put my (non-existent) mortgage on the table
that from this drippidy-drippage,
you coulda mixed one hell-of-a-cocktail ;)

(Just being being honest!)

But I'm SO glad that I went
and I'm even more glad that I found that card.
Because the truth of the matter is,
my "someday" is right now,
and I'd rather realize that sooner than later

Happy Fresh Start to All :)

"Why I Should Not Diet" By Stacey Marie Hall

In honor of all the fabulousness that Barack Obama inspired our country with today, I met a bunch of girlfriends out for celebration libations this evening :)

And just as today marks a new day upon our Nation's history,
I deemed it a new day upon my totally shit eating habits.

That was at 8:30pm ...

The nice waitress lady brought me my Bud Light and Asian Mango Tofu salad and I looked at her as if she'd just handed me herpes.

I didn't want that G-damn salad,
I really just wanted to order the mother f%@king nachos!!

This however, was not the nice waitress's fault.
I was the victim who ordered the lettuce, and therefore,
I needed to deal with the consequences.

And the minutes passed,
and Barack and Michelle danced and danced,
and we girls talked and talked and drank and drank ...
BUT ALL I COULD THINK ABOUT WERE THOSE G-DAMN NACHOS!!

So what did I do?
I ordered them.
Of course I ordered them.

Because I am an a-hole like that.
An a-hole who SHOULD NOT DIET
BECAUSE SHE'S AWFUL AT IT!!

Thanks to this "great idea" of mine, there's a little Asian Mango sitting in my belly right now who's all buzzed on beer and continues to pick a fight with the Mexican Pinto Beans. The sour cream tries to bring peace to the rumble, but his lard ass only gets kung-fu panda'd by the lean mean Tofu and makes matters worse!

This my friends ...
is why I should not diet

THE END ;)

Thoughts on the East Coast vs the West Coast ...

Let's be real, leaving sunny San Diego was hard enough as it was ... but then you go ahead and pile on a 6 hour flight, a +3 hour time diff, and a -50 degree temperature change!! :(

Ever since the plane landed safely onto the tarmac at JFK airport, I can't help but to notice the polar opposites between the West Coast lifestyle and that of the East.

The moment the doors to the plane opened, it was as if Michael Buffer came on the load speaker and started announcing the Belmont Stakes ...

"Aaaaaaand, they're off! The man in Seat 5A is in the lead. He's just cut off the woman from First Class who took too long getting her luggage from the overhead bin. Loooook out for the old geezer from 24C, she's got a walker and she's ready to use it! Now 5A is back in the lead. Oh, wait a minute! Out of no where ... the security guard has clinched 'em all. He's got it! First man to the baggage claim. Ladies and Gentlemen, we have a 'weiner'!!" ;)

Memories of laid back, olive skin, blond hair, surfer dudes seem to be a dwindling image of a recent past :(

Then it's straight to the train to race to make it on time to my Dodgeball game ...

"Should I take the LIRR or the Subway? Shit! My MetroCard is empty. Hurry, run, the orange F is coming! You can take that one and transfer to the J/M/Z. Board train. Sit down. Shit-fuck-sick! I sat in pee. How do I always fucking manage to sit in piss?!?! (Tell myself it's just Mountain Dew). Move seats. Turn on iPod. Hum along to 'California Stars' by Wilco."

Memories of sitting shot gun, driving along the freeways, staring at the Pacific Ocean seem to be a dwindling image of a recent past :(

Walking home from Dodgeball, I felt torn about my love for two Coasts ... but I've decided that it is only natural to adore them both. After all, I am in fact, a girl from the Midwest :)

San Diego (Insert Deep Sigh Here)

Thank you Jess & Mike for having me!

I know you don't control the weather,
but thank you-thank you-thank you
for making it 80 and sunny the whole weekend ...

Much appreciated :)





Can't wait to see you again in a month
for the weeeedddddddinnnnng!!

Xoxoxo

P.S.
If I wasn't glued to the Inauguration coverage,
I would blog about all the awesomeness that San Diego has to offer ... stay tuned for rave reviews on The Oceanaire Seafood Room and Hash House a Go Go ...
Yummmmmm :)

Happy Happy MLK Weekend!!

My Macedonian Christmas :)

Since Alyssa & I don't exactly have our acts together,
we agreed to celebrate "Macedonian Christmas" this year

A) Because she is in fact, Macedonian
and
B) Well, because their Christmas falls on January 7th,
and neither one of us got around to buying each other gifts
before we left for the Holidays ... woops!

Sidenote: We really meant to celebrate on January 7th,
but we both kinda missed that deadline too ...
double wooops!

Looking at the remnense, one would think
it was an exchange between a 2 and a 7 year old buuut,
it was however, the exchange between two 27 year olds

The Walkie-Talkies were a hit,
and the inflatable beer bottle ring toss
is sure to be as well come Super Bowl Sunday :)

Confession:
The DVD of Goldfish swimming in a bowl
could be my new favorite "movie" ever made!
It's like we have little Jawz back again ;)

I'm overly anxious to read my new book called
"I Live Here"
a four part story which I fully plan to devour
on my plane ride to San Diego tonight!!




With all the coverage and proximity to the Hudson River plane crash, I didn't sleep all too well last night ... So on a sentimental note, I just wanted to take a sec to wish everyone a wonderful, healthy, and very Happy Friday :)

Gnomes In Training ...

When I need a laugh,
I love looking at old funny photos

These pix cracked me up today,
so I thought I'd post 'em
for you to share our little funny as well :)

Happy (almost) Friday!

Thoughts on "The Plan"

The thing I love most about Facebook (besides people’s pictures)
is connecting with long lost friends ...

This week I reconnected with a guy who I had a massive
(correction: colossal) crush on in High School.

I wrote him a note to compliment the absolutely beautiful family he now has :) And one of the things he wrote back really resonated with me. He said:

“My family's great. I never imagined being married with two kids before the 10-year HS reunion, but I love it!”

This made me smile because; the funny part is … I did!

If you’d asked me 10 years ago, I would have 110% thought that I’d be married with two kids come the 10 year reunion.
No question!

Never in a million years would I have thought that I’d be blogging about my silly single life in Zoo York City … Honestly, never.

I am soooooo far off “the plan” it’s not even funny
(even though I actually think it’s ha-sterical!)

But never in a million years, would I trade what I have now

The best thing I’ve come to learn along the way is that
you can’t actually start to enjoy life until you actually decide
to fuck the plan!

Life’s crazy and sometimes it makes absolutely no sense whatsoever ... oftentimes I feel like common sense just becomes so uncommon ... and now I understand that that’s totally ok!

If it were cool to drink alone,
I’d crack open a bottle of champagne right now ;)

Then I'd raise a glass to toast to life in general :)

Cheers to following your own path!

Wherever it has taken you thus far, and wherever it may lead you in the future, I hope your "plan" is simply to take what you have and make the most of each and every single day :)

Bikes I Like :)

Hot Damn! It's Cold Outside!

Meeeeeeaaaan!!!

Who would do such a thing to a poor little Pine Tree?!?!

Breaks my heart :(

ápizz (ah-BEETS)

If you're ever in the Lower East Side
and craving some suuuuuuper yum Italian food,
this little chubster would highly recommend ápizz

There are no windows,
but let's be honest,
the corner of Eldridge & Stanton
isn't exactly eye-candy ;)

Maybe it was the 10 fantastic ladies
who all got together for Katelyn's birthday ...

Or maybe it was just the birthday girl herself
who made the night so much fun ...


But I think that the wine, pizza, pasta
(and umpteen desserts)
added lots to the occasion :)

The Wild Boar Lasagna & Ricotta Stuffed Meatballs
were AH-MAZING!

But not gonna lie,
I think we all had a little food envy
for the Butternut Sage Ravioli
and then a tie between
the Short Rib Gnocchi & Mushroom Risotto
... Hollllller-ific!

For large parties, you can reserve the basement room
but the ambiance upstairs is definitely where it's at


Regardless of the food and flair,
what a wonderful night with wonderful women :)

Happy (belated) (7th Annual) 21st Birthday Katelyn!!

Xoxoxo

"Ma! The Meatloaf!" Is Back :)

Fact: Season 2 of "Ma! The Meatloaf!" hit the courts of the Upper West Side last night

Fact: We actually WON a handful of games! (who cares that we are in a lower league this time around ... details, details)

Fact: My Dodgeball kicks make my feet feel happy :)


Fact: The last time I wore the aforementioned kicks was on Halloween (2005)


Myth: Dressing up as a Double Dare contestant will give you super human powers

Not My Unders ....

One thing that keeps me deep in love with my affair with New York City, is the fact that not once have I had to do my own laundry :)

(Thank you, Lin Sun Mi! Me love you long time!)

However, there are the few and far between occasions in which (understandably), I pick up a few "stragglers" in my bag ...


For example, this morning I discovered a pair of men's Calvin Klein boxer briefs and tiny yellow unders (that could fit possibly my right ass check)

I kindly dispose of these gems butt then can't help to wonder,
Who is it in my neighborhood who's unders I have??

And better yet ...
Who in my neighborhood has a pair of my unders?!?!

Hmmm, maybe some enigmas are better left unsolved ;)

BOO!

My first Googley Goog sighting of 2009 ...
I think it's gonna be a good year :)

What are the odds?!!?

Sooo, Caitlin and I went to Vynl for brunch this morning and of all people, we ran into "Shower Rod"... the go-to nickname of the poor guy who's nose I accidentally busted (while trying to flirt with him in my roomate’s bathroom during our last after-party) ... Seriously, what is wrong with me?!

<<<<<

Allow me to rewind a bit to preface that, honestly, the whole mess was a total freak occurrence.

I was "that" girl ... the one who had had much too much margarita mix. See Exhibit A:

He was the uuuuber suuuuper, nice, innocent, handsome victim who was (accidentally) pushed (by me) into the bathtub, thus pulling the shower curtain down, and unluckily having the rod fall onto his nose :(

Not good

Needless to say, he did not call me ever again after that night ;)

>>>>>>

Fast forward one month, as our paths randomly cross again, at Vynl this morning …

I spotted him the moment he walked in the restaurant but played it cool and waited until after he and his friends had finished eating.

He seemed genuinely excited to see Caitlin and actually acted pleasantly happy to see me as well!

Apparently he just got back from Dubai last night and spent the Holidays skiing (must be nice). As I had not gone to Dubai and/or spent my Holidays skiing, I said very little except for “Hi hi hi hi” and “Happy New Year!”

As he walked away Caits and I joked that we should have fabricated an elaborate story like that I had just gotten back from saving indigenous children in Thailand or something outlandishly awesome like that.

But then we only laughed harder at the question of, “Why is it that we need to concoct stories of me with fake indigenous children for a guy to actually like me?!?”

Hahahaha

And so goes the story of my life ;)

Confession:

Notice to all men: Feel free to skip past this post ;)

It's a human fact that the two little midgets on my chest get one cup larger for 5 days a month ... we women refer to this phenomenon as "period boobs".

And since I'm not workin' with much to begin with, I take great pride in the week that I'm able to bust out my B bra and walk around like I'm Dolly Parton.

Hahaha!

Endearing ...

One of my guy friends just got engaged recently so we toasted the occasion over a few beers this weekend. I was curious to know how he came to realize that she was the one and he said something that I will keep with me forever because it was so damn cute ...

He said, "I knew it was the right time because we've been through so much and grown together. But I have to say that I knew she was the right one because on New Year's Eve she was a total "zero" ... I mean like a "TOTAL zero" ... she was so drunk that she not only puked in the cab, but she also wet the bed, while I was laying next to her!"

(Insert roaring laughter from me ... someone who has admittedly had her fair share of "zero" moments)

And then right after he said, "But on January 1st, I still woke up totally in love with her, even at her absolute worst. And so that's when I knew it was right, all together."

I thought that was very real :)

Proof! That I'm NOT the Googley Goog Bandit ...

Because you'd better believe that if I ever was,
this "prime real estate" would not be left unscathed!

Uffffff,
if only I really was the Googley Goog Bandit ...
What a wonderful world it would be ;)

Abbey Road ... On Clinton Street ;)

While walking to grab lunch,
I spotted this super cool mini "graffiti"
on a single brick of the building next door


So when I got home,
I made this while listening to
"Here Comes the Sun"
(partially in hopes for the rain to go away)



Me likey :)

Confession:

Being the complete and total pack-rat that I am,
I shipped myself a box of "whatnots" from my parent's attic while home for the Holidays.

The box arrived last night and it was virtually impossible for us not to laugh at the contents:

- My guitar carrying case (sans guitar, clearly ... RIP buddy)
- A neon green boa (St. Patty's Day is nearing!)
- Sweaters (that I'll likely never wear, but still care to own)
- Multi-colored gym shoes (for Dodgeball, obviously)
- The dream catcher I made in 3rd grade
- A Chicago Bears apron (enough said)
- And my California Raisins costume :)

In all certainty, there is 0% likeliness that I will ever need my California Raisins costume here in NYC. However, if I ever do, I feel 110% better about my life knowing that I have it readily accessible ;)

That,
and it reminds me of these ha!larious mems with Kate ...

Happy Hump Day Peeps!