"Why I Should Not Diet" By Stacey Marie Hall

In honor of all the fabulousness that Barack Obama inspired our country with today, I met a bunch of girlfriends out for celebration libations this evening :)

And just as today marks a new day upon our Nation's history,
I deemed it a new day upon my totally shit eating habits.

That was at 8:30pm ...

The nice waitress lady brought me my Bud Light and Asian Mango Tofu salad and I looked at her as if she'd just handed me herpes.

I didn't want that G-damn salad,
I really just wanted to order the mother f%@king nachos!!

This however, was not the nice waitress's fault.
I was the victim who ordered the lettuce, and therefore,
I needed to deal with the consequences.

And the minutes passed,
and Barack and Michelle danced and danced,
and we girls talked and talked and drank and drank ...
BUT ALL I COULD THINK ABOUT WERE THOSE G-DAMN NACHOS!!

So what did I do?
I ordered them.
Of course I ordered them.

Because I am an a-hole like that.
An a-hole who SHOULD NOT DIET
BECAUSE SHE'S AWFUL AT IT!!

Thanks to this "great idea" of mine, there's a little Asian Mango sitting in my belly right now who's all buzzed on beer and continues to pick a fight with the Mexican Pinto Beans. The sour cream tries to bring peace to the rumble, but his lard ass only gets kung-fu panda'd by the lean mean Tofu and makes matters worse!

This my friends ...
is why I should not diet

THE END ;)