Thoughts on Cliche Sayings

When I went to Portfolio School,
one major cardinal rule was
never to use cliche sayings in your Ads.

I found this to be very difficult :(

Reason being, I love sayings and anecdotes :)

I grew up with these little gems and use them all the time!

My grandma is the QUEEN of cliches ...

"That's for the birds!"
"A penny saved is a penny earned"
"A watchpot never boils"
"Worrying's like a rocking chair. It'll give you something to do but'll get you no where."

And since I'm a total cheeseball, I use lame lines all the time like,

"To each their own."
"Such is life."
"Glass half full."
"It is what it is."

So my friend Jeff posed a great question the other day. He asked:

Why do people use phrases like, "Happy as a clam",
How the hell do we know that clams are happy?!?!

This got me thinking (shocking, I know) and now I am feeling like I owe many animals and inanimate objects my apologies because:

I've never actually had ants in my pants.
Why should they get the blame that I'm a complete and total spaz?!
Sorry Ants.

And now I feel badly that I've ever used the phrase
"I'm poor as dirt."
I mean, who really knows the income level of mud?
And why does soil get to be "rich"?
Seems unfair.
Sorry dirt.

Man, do I feel badly for molasses.
Everyone and their dog is always calling it slow.
How do we know
that molasses doesn't have a fast day here and there?
Sorry molasses.

Kinda like Milli Vanilli,
I hate to admit how often I've simply blamed it on the rain.
Sorry rain.

And why do I "bet the farm" on things?
I don't even have a backyard.
Sorry imaginary farm.

And why I still say immature shit like,
"Don't have a cow" is truly beyond me.
Clearly no one is going to have a cow.
Jeeez.
Sorry cow.

(Oh yes, and BTW, the cat's meow is really not that cool)

Uffff! Just to think of the short list of all the things I have judged, belittled and categorized ...

The busy bee's.
The stubborn mule.
The strong ox.
The cool cucumber.
The fat hog.
The free bird.

The greener grass.
The tall tree.
The last straw.
The cup of tea.
The plain water.
The can of worms.
The hot potato.

The dead horse.
The sick dog.
The naked jaybird.
The spring chicken.
The loose goose.

But please note:

As sorry as I am to all the above,
I refuse (repeat: refuse)
to stop saying random shit like,

"Taaa daaaa!"

or

"Yahooooo, I'm coo coo for Cocoa Puffs!"

or

"Yesssssssssss!"

Some sayings and phrases are just not be left behind ;)


HAPPY ALMOST FRIDAY PEOPLE!